As I walk this path of mine, which meanders through what we call the journey of life, I find myself traversing the territory called “twilight years”. This simple or complicated (whichever you will) process gently but inexorably coaxes me to look back and think, “What have I achieved in this life?”
Well, certainly I have (more accurately) ‘done’ much. But what have I truly accomplished… that was of any real import? If I were to be completely honest with myself, I must, in truth admit that it’s not much. Oh, I put in a real effort, did lots of stuff, worked hard and meant well, but I did not actually accomplish nearly enough to be proud of… so little in fact that I am prompted to seriously consider whether or not my life has been wasted. And when I find myself in that space, I cannot help but think that yes, in truth my life has essentially been a waste… of sorts.
Yet, if I consider that life may just be simply a matter of living and growing, then in that way my journey has not and could not be counted as wasted – as I lived and grew (am growing). This is great news, but does not satisfy deep within my soul… especially given the fact that, since I can remember, I’ve mostly felt my purpose was to figure out and be able to explain what life, with a capital L, truly is.
Along with the process of discovering the answer to that question, I’ve also felt that I am duty bound to pass on what I learn, just as an artist must draw, an engineer must design and build, or a doctor must help heal the patient while also imparting some of the requisite knowledge for maintaining good health.
All this I have tried to do… but while doing it, I’ve generally seen that no one is really interested. Really. I mean ask yourself honestly: who really cares what some old (or young) fool thinks about the purpose or meaning of life? And it certainly doesn’t help if my presentation tends to… well… suck… which it does. Yet knowing this is simply another of those hazards or markers we all overtake along the path through the territory of twilight years.
I am also aware of a need to stay positive… to feel as though I and my thoughts (and feelings) do have at least some little value… and thus the need to continue trying… to learn and to contribute what I can… by passing on what I can, however I am able… whether the presentation sucks or not… provided, of course, I continue to improve in that too. 🙂