The Election Highway

by SprinklinThoughts

“Charles! Welcome back boy! Here’s your old chair, have a seat. Drink? Oh Johnson, get Charles his usual brandy in a snifter will you? And I’ll have another too, if you would. So Charles, here, have a cigar… glad to be home?”

“Good to be back George, thank you. Nothing like the old club, my favourite chair, a brandy, and a good cigar. Best thing for a man… quite civilized and all that. Especially after the way the rest of the world is behaving.”

“So you’ve been out and about, poking around the world, eh?”

“Poking around the world is a good way to put it I suppose. But the answer is yes, I did some poking around. Nothing too serious understand.”

“What was it like? How are the elections going?”

“Oh, the Elections in Zambia should be coming up on schedule.”

“Zambia! Old boy! I mean the Presidential in America. How is that one going?”

“I’d say it’s shaping up to be one of the more interesting ones.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well if you’ll recall, with Barack we decided fairly early on and thus could try something a bit different. I might add that the experiment to market an unknown like him to the public turned out well. We learned what works and what doesn’t. But frankly that all seemed a tad boring. You know, more like an average sales & marketing pitch. Like selling Fruitio Dumpos or something.”

“Yes, but this election is different is it not?”

“Yes, with this one we’ve opened up the field so to speak. Just to see what will happen. You know, when Donald decided to run, we did not discourage him as it was a splendid opportunity for us.”

“How is that?”

“Donald’s statements and attitude have triggered much discussion in areas we found difficult to explore. He’s helped us to better understand the middle & lower class Americans’ attitude. Oh, we could always guess, but now we have a much more visible measure, if you will, of how our policies are being perceived and accepted; just how deeply our promptings have penetrated the mass psyche.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you might say the political situation in America, and actually their economic one as well, could be compared to a bus on a highway or a train on a track. The drivers an be changed, but since the track has no proverbial exits, the train will inevitably arrive at the destination the track leads to.”

“Inevitably?”

“Well yes, barring accidents or ‘acts of God’ or some other unlikely or unforeseen event.”

“Unforeseen event?”

“Yes, you see, it seems that a not entirely unexpected phenomenon is taking place in America. Much of the world in fact. The passengers on the train, the Americans, are becoming agitated. As if they’ve not been permitted to get off and stretch their legs in too long a time. Similar, in a way, to what happened on those cruise ships that broke down and floated about in the ocean. The passengers eventually became quite angry. I almost wonder if we should slow down a bit. You know, pause at a station to give them a break.”

“Well, perhaps. But what about the candidates?”

“Oh we’re not worried about them at all. Although I haven’t spoken with any as yet, aside from dropping Hillary a hint.”

“A hint?”

“Yes. Back in 2008, when we told her Barack was going to get it, she started looking as if she’d given up… down in the mouth and all. I mentioned that this time perhaps she might tone down the ‘got it in the bag’ vibe so to speak, even if it may be true.”

“Yes, I noticed that too. And what about Donald? What if he happens to get elected?”

“We don’t see that as a problem. We’ll just tell him to do as he pleases, as long as what we require gets done. Simple really.”

“And if he should refuse?”

“We don’t see that as a problem either… once again, simple. If need be, we implement the Kennedy option.”

“Ah yes, the old boy network does have its iron fist, doesn’t it? And what about Bernie?”

“As with all the other candidates, I don’t believe we need to worry about Bernie. Again, for us, he’s become a fair measure of where the fringe liberals & socialists stand… just how many and how adamant they are. If by some remote chance he does get elected, we’ll just do the same with him as with Donald. It really is quite that simple.”

“But what if, for example, he should get the vote and then manages to convince Congress to pass legislation for free college educations to all?”

“In truth, if that should happen, it’s so unimportant to us that we wouldn’t even be aware of it if not for the news. You see, the Government would have to pay for the tuition and the money comes from taxes. So the people pay either way… still a win for us, as we get a margin on the profits either way.”

“Exactly, but what of our colleagues in America? Won’t they stand to lose a great deal of money in paying those taxes?”

“Now George, do you really believe the American Congress will pass increased taxes, on such a scale, without leaving loopholes for themselves?”

“Fair enough… So what with all the marketing she’ll be getting, if Hillary does get elected, what then?”

“Hillary? Why she certainly knows the game by now and who the major players are – but not about us of course. She’s what the Americans call a ‘real team player’, which is why our main efforts lie with getting her into the office.”

“Well, it seems as though our boys have thought of all the possibilities haven’t they?”

“Like I’ve said before, the Americans will accept anything we give them unless we try to shove too much down their throats too fast… or unless the TVs go out… or they run out of toilet paper. Neither scenario is very likely today and if something like that should come about – you know, some idiot throws a tantrum and folds up the game board – we do have other options. Such as, if needed, our ‘alternate’ or ‘extreme events’ locations to which we can retire for a time. Yes, I’d say we’ve pretty much ‘covered our tushes’ so to speak. Quite well, in my opinion.”

“Righto! Well done. Care for another brandy?”

M

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