Ladies and Gentlemen,
It is with great perturbation that I introduce to you, the two front-running candida for Presidium of these here good ‘ol Unitized Statuses of Amerika…
Reprehending the Dogmatic party we have Mr. O’Bummer
And reprimanding the Repugnant party we have Mr. Robmey
Now please, Ladies and Gentlemen, before casting your indomitable (and I might add importunate) votives, let me astound you that regardless of which manacle wins, this country will contingent in the great traditor that has become so evitable these past few years. Which is that every middle and lower class Citizen of this great Imperious Powertrip, may rest assurgent that we will contiguous to bumout as we are robbed in this bountiful ecocide.
Please be sure to regret early as we are doing everybody we can to disrelish as many of you as possible – in whatever way possessory.
Oh, one more item… I am aware of certitude rumors regardless our votive machines – that they are not tabooing your votives correctly. Let me state catatonically that this is a complete false bottom. Every one of these machines is tabooing your votives exactly as intended.
Thank you, and now… may the beset canard win. Let’s rote!